Changing my preference

When I go to the department store before, I used to always go to the hardware section. Being the frustrated handyman that I was, I often browse at all those power tools that I know I will never use.

However, as of late, I notice a drastic change in my preference.

No! It’s not what you think. NOT THAT PREFERENCE!

Lately, whenever I go to the malls and department stores, I find myself wandering on the kitchenware and kitchen appliances section of the place. It happens naturally, as if my feet have a mind of their own.

Grow up with the kids

Kids grow up. It's inevitable. When they do, it is important that we should also grow up with the kids.

Easier said than done.

Since assuming the dual role of mother and father to my three kids, I've never been so conscious of being in control. I've always been a control freak, but unlike before where there was someone who was neutralizing me, I have to weigh everything by myself now.

I always wanted to spend time with the kids… and I was expecting the same from them. 

I wanted a solid family - intact, close-knitted, and always there for one another. I wanted to always see them together. 

There was no problem when they were still young where they cannot really go anywhere without me. But as they grew older, they learned to explore on their own… AND they needed to explore on their own.

Our family is far from perfect

Me and my kids... we’re not a perfect family. In fact, our family is far from perfect. We’re not even ideal. We’re just like other family – NORMAL.

We have our falling out every now and then. I shout at my kids and they answer back, always. You can say that we have an ‘open communication.’

But it’s not always Royal Rumble or a debate session going on in our house. We goof up too, a lot times. Sometimes, even at a midst of a quarrel. Maybe that’s beyond normal, but it happens.

Still, as the saying goes... I couldn’t ask for any other kids. Of course, there would always be the wish that I could have been a better father to them.

Letting go...

(Something I wrote back in the year 2000... an exaggerated anxiety over a very trivial matter. Read on.)

Do you know how a child feels when he let go of a balloon that he loves so much? Or how it feels when you set a bird free after you took care of it in its cage for so many years? Or letting your fish swim in the ocean after it has swam in your aquarium for so long?

That’s how I felt when I left my son this morning in school to join his classmates and teachers on their field... his FIRST field trip.

Of course, you might say that the metaphor wasn’t right because balloons, fishes and birds don’t come back, but my son will surely go home after the trip. Nonetheless, the feeling of fear and anxiety doesn’t differ... perhaps more intense.

Actually, this feeling isn’t really new to me. I felt the same way the first day I left my boy in school. I was able to survive that. What would make a difference now? I don’t know, but as I was walking away this morning, frequently looking back, I can’t help but worry.

Looking at him... so young... small... and fragile. After all, he is only eight years old, in the company of absolute strangers! Well, at least they are strangers to me.

The irony of it all is that my son doesn’t show any signs of fear or anxiety.

The kitchen is not my domain

Modesty aside, I used to be a good cook. No, make that a great cook – that was according to my wife.

When she was still with us, and I would be cooking, my dish would always turn out good, if not perfect... and it was not just my word.

But like what I said, that was when she was still here with us. Now, I seem to be an alien in the kitchen. I can’t seem to make heads or tails. Really, the kitchen is not my domain.

Easily, I could always ask her before. I would know what to do next, which ingredients to put in first, what are the signs that I would be looking for – boiling, smoke, browning, burning... err, how many minutes, I mean. Just like having a backseat driver, although it was most welcomed and much need.

Honey, I'm home! I forgot... I'm not married

Is this familiar? Has this happened to you yet?

If you were never married and has been a single father from the start, this would be a rare occurrence, or if ever, it would be just a joke… a punch line.

But if you were married, and all of a sudden you find yourself alone, it is not impossible that it could happen to you.

More than four years since my wife’s demise, I still forget sometimes that I am already alone.

This is most especially true when something exciting happens, something really good came to me during the day. I was excited and I cannot wait to get home to tell my wife the whole story… only to burst my own bubble when I remembered that I have no wife to tell my story to.

So what if it's Mother's Day?!

So it’s Mother’s Day! Now what?!

Do single fathers celebrate Mother’s Day as well? Being the one who also assumes the role of the mother in the house.

Well… yes and no, I guess.

Yes because, who would your children greet when they do not have their mother around? And it’s not really surprising that other people who realize your situation also greet you a Happy Mother’s Day, right?

But that’s as far as the celebration goes… in greetings only.

I wish I can claim all the credit

Last week, my eldest son graduated from college. Finally! A college graduate in the family!

Ralph finished Accounting and will be taking his review in preparation for the CPA board exam in October.

Of course, being the proud father that I am, I immediately uploaded pictures of his graduation on my Facebook account. It wasn’t long before the pictures got a number of Likes and comments from my relatives and friends.

Congratulations were given both to my son and me. Ralph for finally graduating and me for having a son finished college.

It’s every parent’s dream. One of a parent’s greatest accomplishments. Now, it’s my greatest accomplishment as a single father.

I wish I can claim all the credit for Ralph’s graduation. But I know I can’t... I just can’t. I wasn’t just me.

Oh no!!! I have a teenager for a daughter!!!

NOTE: This post was written in March 2011, when my only daughter turned 13. It was one of the earlier post in my old Single Fatherhood blog.

Last January, my daughter turned 13. Yes, I know. That was already two months ago. Well, it didn't sink in on me then yet. She was still a baby then… I’d like to think that she still is.

There were apprehensions, sure. At the back of my mind, paranoia was stubbornly bugging me. I was trying my best to brush it off. How bad could it be? I mean, she was not the first teenager in the house! She was the third, actually.

But she was the only girl… and the youngest. Yes, her brothers didn't bring me much concern when they turned 13. I refuse to be bitten by the double standards of child rearing… nothing could go wrong!

Or could it?

Single Fatherhood

While single parents are quite common today, single fathers are still a rarity compared to their female counterparts. The first reason being, it is most common that it is the man who abandons thus leaving the woman on her own (and I’m not exactly proud of it).

The second reason is that, single fathers do not really stay as such for long. For a lot of reason, one being men could not really live on their own for so long. Yes, we can all blame it on our mothers who used to do everything for us – even finding that missing pair of socks.

Another reason for their rarity in existence is perhaps, not many single fathers would admit that they are such. While not all would really deny their status, some, especially the younger ones would readily do so when they are in front of a woman they seem to have their eye on.

Of course, these are not all the reasons, and neither are they absolute. There could be more, and a much deeper explanation for them. These are just what I could recall at the top of my head right now.

This is my first post for this blog, and  these are what entered my mind. Being a single father for more than four years, I wonder why there weren’t too many single fathers with whom I can share experiences with.

And so this post introduces my new blog, Single Fatherhood, as a take on the life and assume the role of a father and a mother.

This is single parenting… from a man’s point of view.