Our Family Christmas Party

A party of 4!

Some may see it as weird... awkward... or even totally insane. A family of 4 having a full-blown Christmas party complete with invitations, program, dress code, games, intermissions, exchange gifts, and even raffle prizes!

Insane maybe, with all the laughter and teasing that went about during the party, but awkward it never was. With a single father hosting the party, that leaves only 3 members to participate in the program proceedings... and gamely they did.

You can say this is how we roll.

Changing my preference

When I go to the department store before, I used to always go to the hardware section. Being the frustrated handyman that I was, I often browse at all those power tools that I know I will never use.

However, as of late, I notice a drastic change in my preference.

No! It’s not what you think. NOT THAT PREFERENCE!

Lately, whenever I go to the malls and department stores, I find myself wandering on the kitchenware and kitchen appliances section of the place. It happens naturally, as if my feet have a mind of their own.

Grow up with the kids

Kids grow up. It's inevitable. When they do, it is important that we should also grow up with the kids.

Easier said than done.

Since assuming the dual role of mother and father to my three kids, I've never been so conscious of being in control. I've always been a control freak, but unlike before where there was someone who was neutralizing me, I have to weigh everything by myself now.

I always wanted to spend time with the kids… and I was expecting the same from them. 

I wanted a solid family - intact, close-knitted, and always there for one another. I wanted to always see them together. 

There was no problem when they were still young where they cannot really go anywhere without me. But as they grew older, they learned to explore on their own… AND they needed to explore on their own.

Our family is far from perfect

Me and my kids... we’re not a perfect family. In fact, our family is far from perfect. We’re not even ideal. We’re just like other family – NORMAL.

We have our falling out every now and then. I shout at my kids and they answer back, always. You can say that we have an ‘open communication.’

But it’s not always Royal Rumble or a debate session going on in our house. We goof up too, a lot times. Sometimes, even at a midst of a quarrel. Maybe that’s beyond normal, but it happens.

Still, as the saying goes... I couldn’t ask for any other kids. Of course, there would always be the wish that I could have been a better father to them.

Letting go...

(Something I wrote back in the year 2000... an exaggerated anxiety over a very trivial matter. Read on.)

Do you know how a child feels when he let go of a balloon that he loves so much? Or how it feels when you set a bird free after you took care of it in its cage for so many years? Or letting your fish swim in the ocean after it has swam in your aquarium for so long?

That’s how I felt when I left my son this morning in school to join his classmates and teachers on their field... his FIRST field trip.

Of course, you might say that the metaphor wasn’t right because balloons, fishes and birds don’t come back, but my son will surely go home after the trip. Nonetheless, the feeling of fear and anxiety doesn’t differ... perhaps more intense.

Actually, this feeling isn’t really new to me. I felt the same way the first day I left my boy in school. I was able to survive that. What would make a difference now? I don’t know, but as I was walking away this morning, frequently looking back, I can’t help but worry.

Looking at him... so young... small... and fragile. After all, he is only eight years old, in the company of absolute strangers! Well, at least they are strangers to me.

The irony of it all is that my son doesn’t show any signs of fear or anxiety.

The kitchen is not my domain

Modesty aside, I used to be a good cook. No, make that a great cook – that was according to my wife.

When she was still with us, and I would be cooking, my dish would always turn out good, if not perfect... and it was not just my word.

But like what I said, that was when she was still here with us. Now, I seem to be an alien in the kitchen. I can’t seem to make heads or tails. Really, the kitchen is not my domain.

Easily, I could always ask her before. I would know what to do next, which ingredients to put in first, what are the signs that I would be looking for – boiling, smoke, browning, burning... err, how many minutes, I mean. Just like having a backseat driver, although it was most welcomed and much need.

Honey, I'm home! I forgot... I'm not married

Is this familiar? Has this happened to you yet?

If you were never married and has been a single father from the start, this would be a rare occurrence, or if ever, it would be just a joke… a punch line.

But if you were married, and all of a sudden you find yourself alone, it is not impossible that it could happen to you.

More than four years since my wife’s demise, I still forget sometimes that I am already alone.

This is most especially true when something exciting happens, something really good came to me during the day. I was excited and I cannot wait to get home to tell my wife the whole story… only to burst my own bubble when I remembered that I have no wife to tell my story to.