Letting go...

(Something I wrote back in the year 2000... an exaggerated anxiety over a very trivial matter. Read on.)

Do you know how a child feels when he let go of a balloon that he loves so much? Or how it feels when you set a bird free after you took care of it in its cage for so many years? Or letting your fish swim in the ocean after it has swam in your aquarium for so long?

That’s how I felt when I left my son this morning in school to join his classmates and teachers on their field... his FIRST field trip.

Of course, you might say that the metaphor wasn’t right because balloons, fishes and birds don’t come back, but my son will surely go home after the trip. Nonetheless, the feeling of fear and anxiety doesn’t differ... perhaps more intense.

Actually, this feeling isn’t really new to me. I felt the same way the first day I left my boy in school. I was able to survive that. What would make a difference now? I don’t know, but as I was walking away this morning, frequently looking back, I can’t help but worry.

Looking at him... so young... small... and fragile. After all, he is only eight years old, in the company of absolute strangers! Well, at least they are strangers to me.

The irony of it all is that my son doesn’t show any signs of fear or anxiety.

The kitchen is not my domain

Modesty aside, I used to be a good cook. No, make that a great cook – that was according to my wife.

When she was still with us, and I would be cooking, my dish would always turn out good, if not perfect... and it was not just my word.

But like what I said, that was when she was still here with us. Now, I seem to be an alien in the kitchen. I can’t seem to make heads or tails. Really, the kitchen is not my domain.

Easily, I could always ask her before. I would know what to do next, which ingredients to put in first, what are the signs that I would be looking for – boiling, smoke, browning, burning... err, how many minutes, I mean. Just like having a backseat driver, although it was most welcomed and much need.

Honey, I'm home! I forgot... I'm not married

Is this familiar? Has this happened to you yet?

If you were never married and has been a single father from the start, this would be a rare occurrence, or if ever, it would be just a joke… a punch line.

But if you were married, and all of a sudden you find yourself alone, it is not impossible that it could happen to you.

More than four years since my wife’s demise, I still forget sometimes that I am already alone.

This is most especially true when something exciting happens, something really good came to me during the day. I was excited and I cannot wait to get home to tell my wife the whole story… only to burst my own bubble when I remembered that I have no wife to tell my story to.

So what if it's Mother's Day?!

So it’s Mother’s Day! Now what?!

Do single fathers celebrate Mother’s Day as well? Being the one who also assumes the role of the mother in the house.

Well… yes and no, I guess.

Yes because, who would your children greet when they do not have their mother around? And it’s not really surprising that other people who realize your situation also greet you a Happy Mother’s Day, right?

But that’s as far as the celebration goes… in greetings only.